The List
by ngw-ox
Summary: The list of things to do before you die - Bella plans on doing ALL things before she kills herself before she turns eighteen. But will her desire to complete all items on the list stop her for finding out that what she really wants is true love. ALL HUMAN
1. The List

Get into a fight

Get a tattoo

go cliff diving

have the perfect first kiss

get drunk

sing for someone

steal something

dye my hair

Learn how to ride a motorcycle

**Lose my virginity **


	2. Introductions

I have this list and I plan to do everything on it before I turn eighteen, because I plan to kill myself before I turn eighteen. Everyone has 18 years of living and then 80 years preparing yourself for dying - I plan to skip that. I plan to kill myself.

My mom just got re-married and the want time alone so my mom told me that i'll be moving in with my dad – great, this should be fun!

I saw him not that long ago he wasn't exactly please with who I have become but who would be pleased that their daughter doesn't care about anyone but herself and ditches school, and the one he doesn't know about – plans to commit suicide in less that 6 months.

He picked me up from the airport and we drove in silence to the house. He had moved since I was here last so I was interested to see where to.

"So Bells, What's new with you?" he asked breaking the longing silence.

"Well.." I started – pulling out my book with my list "I have this list of things I want to do before I die and I need to do them all in 6 months"

"Why 6 months?" he interrupted

"Because i'm going to kill myself before I turn eighteen" I told him, he looked over at me then went back to concentrating on the road. Either he thinks i'm kidding or he doesn't care – could be either Charlie has never cared that much for me, why start now?

As we pulled into a huge drive way I could finally see the new house – and boy was it big. There were only four house on this street. How Charlie afforded this I have no idea. We got all my things inside and up into my room there was a queen sized bed in the centre of the room with a large closet one side and a on-suit bathroom next to it. There was a huge window opposite the bed which had a small balcony underneath and overlooks the neighbours house. I packed away my clothes and got out my laptop and guitar, since I was alone I figure I might as well play.

I hit record on the laptop and began strumming before singing.

_I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
She felt it everyday.  
And I couldn't help her,  
I just watched her make the same mistakes again._

What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
Too many, too many problems.  
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.  
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.  
Be strong, be strong now.  
Too many, too many problems.  
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
She's fallen behind.  
She can't find her place.  
She's losing her faith.  
She's fallen from grace.  
She's all over the place.  
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah  
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

"Impressive" I jumped at the sound of the voice. It was so soft – velvet like. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just heard you playing and wanted to she the face behind the voice" he smiled a crocked smile "I'm Edward.."

"Bella" I responded.


	3. Why?

Well I guess that's one thing I can cross of my list.

_6) Sing for someone _

Not that I knew he was listening, but still I sang and someone heard me – That will do. We just stood in silence for a while not really knowing what to say.

"So.. you just moved here?" he asked

"..Y-Yeah, I guess. I just moved in with my dad"

"Oh, why?" I raised my eyebrows "Y-You don't need to tell me" he stuttered

"Well, My mom sort of kicked me out I guess" I laughed "She re-married and didn't want me there to ruin another one of her marriages"

"I find that hard to believe"

"Which part?" I asked

"That you would would ruin her marriage" he explained

I smiled "You don't know me"

he smiled back "But I'd like too"

I laughed "Smooth" I joked

"I thought so" he said with a crocked smile. I had to admit he was hot.

"So do you do this a lot?"

"Do what?"

"Climb through girls windows without them knowing" I smiled

"No. not often"

I smiled "I feel so lucky"

"You should, I don't usually talk to new people"

"Then Thanks"

he laughed "You seem different to the other kids that live here"

"Sorry to disappoint" I sighed

"You haven't. I like different"

"What's This" he said picking up my book from my bed. Dammit!

"N-Nothing" I said trying to grab it out of his hand, me moved it quickly. higher so it was out of my reach. I tried reaching for it but it was no use. He opened it slowly and read the first page.

_Way's to kill:_

_- Drown_

_- Drugs _

_- Crash_

_- Cut _

_-_

_- _

_-_

he frowned in response to what he was reading. I knew every word that was on the page; was to kill myself that would be interesting, kinda fun yet wouldn't hurt as much as being shot or something.

"You planning on killing someone Bella" he asked

"Just myself"

he frowned looking down at me "Don't talk shit"

"I'm not" I said grabbing the book while he was still frozen in place. "I thought you liked different?" I teased

"Y-You planning on--"

"Yes" I said un-bothered "Before I turn 18"

"How long is that?" he asked

"6 months"

"Why?"

"Why not" I responded

**Sorry I didn't update this for a while. I took a little break from writing. Enjoy :)**


	4. Romeo & Juliet

**SM Owns Characters – Lucky women !!**

"First day of school.. excited?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah.. Sure" I replied sarcasticly

"Well.. Erm... Have fun" he said leaving for work, I sighed grabbing my bag of the counter and grabbing my keys I made my way to the large garage. I couldn't wait to see the new car Charlie had brought me there was nothing like turning up at school in a fancy car making the other kids jealous. Even if I want to die before I turn eighteen, it doesn't mean I can't enjoy life while i'm living it. I walked in a noticed the only new car there – A Yellow Porshe – Wow!

I drove out the garage bit maybe a little more speed then needed. I noticed five teens next door all turn at the sound of my tires on the road. I recognized one – Edward. He raised his eyebrows before turning back to his car.

As soon as my car was parked some guy came like running up to me, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes – cute but not my type.

"H-Hi, I'm Mike. Mike Newton"

"Bella"

"Yeah, Chief Swan's daughter right?"

"In the flesh" I smiled, out the corner of my eye I noticed the same silver Volvo from this morning – Edward's silver Volvo.

He parked next to me while a red convertible parked the other side. I sighed great – now I have to face the rest of his family no doubt he told them what a complete mess I am. The girl who wants to die. I'm sure news travels fast in this dead town everyone will know soon enough that the GREAT CHIEF SWAN'S daughter is crazy, oh well what difference does it make what the thought. It's my life I can do with it as I choose.

Silently Mike left and went back to his group of friends. Weird, guess he didn't like them.

"Nice Car" I turned my head to see a beautiful blonde smiling at me

"Thanks.. you too" I nodded towards the convertible she had been driving.

She laughed "Yeah.. it's not bad"

"I want it" A shorter dark haired girl said from the side of her. I laughed.

"Of course you do Alice" Edward said suddenly next to me, I turned my head he smiled down at me. Maybe he hadn't told them.

"It must have cost ALOT" Alice said

"I don't know, My dad got it for me. Trying to get me to like living here no doubt, oh well as least I get a nice car right"

"Absolutely, there are always up sides" she said wrapping her arm around my own "Anyway it's not that bad here" I raised my eyebrows "ok.. so it's quiet and a bit too green" I laughed

"Yeah"

English class.. oh joy!

Romeo and Juliet.. _Fun_

I had completely zoned out for the whole lesson, I had read it before so it's not like it will matter.

"So... Isabella?"

"Bella" I corrected

"Bella... What are your views on Romeo killing himself at the end of the novel" I saw Edwards head turn at the question directed to me.

"Well.. He thought she was dead and didn't want to live on with out her, so it's understandable why he would do it. He had nothing left to live for"

"What about his family.. Friends? Are they not important" Edward suddenly interjected

"Not as important as true love"

"They were insanely young, what makes you think it was _true_ love"

"Firstly.. That's what it's famous for dumbass, It's romance. And second age doesn't really matter he loved her and he believed she was dead in which case he didn't want to live on without his only reason for living, she was like his oxygen. He couldn't live without her so he ended his own life"

"So when someone you love dies you should just end your own life"

"If you don't see anything else worth living for.. why not?"

"Because it's stupid"

"Then maybe you shouldn't read Shakespeare" I stated

"...Well.. Thank You, both for your.. opinions" The teacher said ending the discussion while Edward was still glaring at me, I smiled back making him even angrier. I silently laughed, he was getting so angry at me for wanting this and he met me yesterday, what kind of place was this...

**I'm SO sorry I haven't updated in like FOREVER I've been so busy with school – damn exams. I hope you like this chapter. I tried to bring in more of the characters and I thought the class discussion would be fun, aha as it covered death. Lol :)**


	5. Don't Do It

"Bella!.."

"Hey.." Alice said finally reaching me from the other side of the hall way "Come sit with us for lunch"

"Us?" I asked

"Yeah.. Me, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Edward of course"

"oh right.. erm..."  
"Come On...Please"

"...Finee"

"YAY, Let's go"

we reached the cafeteria and my eyes immediately caught Edward's but he looked down as soon as he noticed me looking back... I will never understand how guy's work.

"Bella's going to be sitting with us" Alice announced as soon as we reached the table

"Awesome" Rosalie said while the rest of the table was a group of "Great and Ok's" I smiled as I sat while feeling a little uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on me

"What?" I asked

"Nothing.. So what brings you to the small town of Forks Bella" Rose started

"My mom re-married and sent me to live with my dad"

"Rude" I laughed I could tell I was going to get on with both Alice and Rose for the small time I would spend with them, it was still nice to know I would have some friends. Even if it was just for a matter of months.

"So what about you guys.. what's your story?"

"Not very interesting.. Rose and Jasper are twins.. adopted my mine and Emmett's mother and father, then Edward was adopted later" Alice explained

"Wow"

"So.. Erm... Why were you adopted by them? if you don't mind me asking"

"Of course we don't mind Bella.. Well Jazz and I were in a foster home when Esme and Carlisle came in looking to adopted and when they saw us, the deicide on getting twins I guess. But we never knew our parents we were put in care pretty soon after birth" Rose now explained

"And... Well Edward..." I looked over at him now, looking away. Did he not want me knowing? Was it very personal? He already knew everything about me so why should I matter.

"I guess... That's for him to explain" Rose ended

"Of course. You don't need to explain if you don't ant me knowing"

"It's just... Personal." Edward said suddenly looking right into my eyes.

"It's ok... I understand"

"Can I come in?" The sound of Edward's velvet voice echoed through my open window

"Er.. Y-Yeah sure.. come on in"

"I want to talk to you about what we were talking about at lunch.. if that's ok?"

"There's no need.. if you don't want to tell me"

"I know about you... it's only fair right?" he sighed "There was a reason I freaked when I found out what you are planning and it's not just because I like you and don't want you to do it. You see I was always a trouble maker, a rebel" he laughed "My parents hated it, I would go out with friend get drunk, do drugs have sex with any girl who wanted some. One day I guess it got to much for them, I got home late one night.. I was a high and had been drinking. They told me they wanted me out of the house, that they wanted nothing else to do with me. They had already packed my bags they were at the bottom of the stairs. I just laughed in their faces and told them to fuck off and leave me alone.. it was my life I could do with it they way I fucking wanted. My father didn't like that very much – he hit me. We were in the kitchen by this point, He was very strong and he knew it, like I said I was drunk – not thinking straight. I grabbed the first thing – a glass bottle and smashed it across his head. He died Bella. I killed my own father. I went into prison for a small time, about a month, they let me go because of the conditions I was in as well as my age. Later, when I was released I found my mother hung in the bathroom. There was a small letter telling me she couldn't live this way, that there was nothing more for her. She ended her own life said there was nothing left for her. She knew I never meant to kill him and yet I wasn't enough for her to live on. She didn't care about me. She left me all alone. I was at the hospital waiting for the doctors to examine the body, routine I guess. That's when Carlisle came to me, he said he knew everything that had happened at that he wanted to help me. He took me home with him, made me a part of his family. That was 3 years ago" he sighed again "You see. That's why I can't let you do it. I know what it's like to lose someone to suicide, I can't do it again. I won't let you do it Bella"

"This is different.. You don't know me, not really. My reasons are different than your mother's"

"What amazing reasons do you have that make this ok?" he demanded.

"Everyone has 18 years of living, than 80 running from death. I'm not doing it. I won't run from death! I going to bet him to it. I'm going to do everything I want to do before. I'll live life to the full then end it before it has a chance to cheat me of something"

"What about me?"

"What about you?" I asked

"I've known you 2 days and I'm hooked, I can think of nothing but you. Your my every thought Bella. I don't know how or why but In two days I'm already falling for you.. Falling hard and fast"

"And what... because you think you like me I should change everything i've been planning"

"Why not? Can't you believe there is actually a good thing out there for you. That i'm good for you. I thought you believed in true love"


	6. Promise Me

"I don't want to live my life"

"What is so bad that you want to end your life completely? When there are so many people that care about you"

"Like who? _You"_

"Yes... and your father"

"Right.. my dad.. When I told him I was going to kill myself you know what he said?"

"What?"

"Nothing.. He didn't say a word because he doesn't care... He never did. When my mom told him she was leaving him he told her to take me with her. And now my mom has thrown me out because she doesn't want me there you kill another one of her marriages and pushed me here with him. So Who really cares for me? Really? I'd like to know because I can think of no one"

"Am I not reason enough?"

"Edward.. I'm not good for you. You will waste your life chasing after me. You could do such great things. Promise me you won't ruin your life wanting me"

"I can promise you that because while your still breathing i'm going to keep fighting. I'm not giving up on you Bella. Never"

"..."

"Just give me a chance to prove it to you. To prove your life is worth living"

"One chance?"

"That's all I ask" he promised, I nodded slightly not trusting my voice to flow smoothly. He pulled me into his arms and held me there as if I belonged there. He kissed the top of my head softly "Thank You" he whispered

We stayed up talking most of the night, sitting or laying on my bed talking about our families, our lives and past relationships. There was so much to him, things I would never forget. I didn't want the night to end, I was perfect just us no one else mattered. We din't talk about my list or weither I would keep to the deal of giving him a chance to prove that my life had meaning before considering killing myself again. But the longer I spent with him the less I thought about it, I wasn't thinking of different way to die painlessly or the things I wanted to achieve before and for the first night I didn't feel alone. I felt as though I belonged. If it was possible that I had a place in this crazy mixed up world it would be here; in Edward's arms.

I hadn't realised I had fallen asleep until a loud bang awoke me. I turned my head but nobody was there, I could hear weird sound from outside. I walked towards the window slowly peering outside I saw what had woken me. Edward was just getting himself up off of my lawn. He looked up and blushed slightly, embarrassed he had been seen/heard falling out of a tree trying to sneak out of my bedroom. I grinned down at him before I slightly waving my hand, he pressed his hand to his lips and blew me a kiss. I must have looked like a fool going back into bed grinning like an idiot... Who knows maybe change is good.

**Slightly shorter chapter, sorry. I know I didn't update for such a long time, last time. Damn exams :/**

**Hopefully I can update more frequently from now on. I really enjoy writing this story. Hope you are liking it so far.**

**Thank You SO MUCH for of the reviews they mean so much to me!!**

**XD**


	7. Number Ten

"So have any plans for the weekend?" Charlie asked over breakfast, on one of the rare days he was home for a morning meal. i shrugged my shoulders, standing to take my bowl into the kitchen slightly aware of my fathers presence behind me.

"I found something" he started, i sighed. Why could he never just get to the point. he just drags it out, never sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. This is one of the reason it bothered me to live with him. he wasn't straight forward, he never truly told you his true feeling just hid behind a mask.

"So? ... What was it?" i asked stubbornly

"Your book" i stared at him in disbelief, i kept it hidden in a box at the bottom of my closet. The only way he found it was if he was purposely looking for it.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM??" i yelled

"I thought you were kidding about this but your serious aren't you? You want to kill yourself" he stated

"..." i was so beyond angry i couldn't even speak, my vision blurred with hate and anger.

"Why? ... WHAT COULD ANYONE HAVE DONE THAT WOULD POSSIBLY WANT YOU TO PERMANENTLY END YOUR LIFE!!"

"Jeez... I DON'T KNOW MAYBE BEING ALWAYS IGNORED BY YOUR OWN MOTHER AND FATHER. ALWAYS FEELING ALONE, NEVER WANTED...PLEASE STOP ME ANYTIME BECAUSE I CAN GO ON AND ON!"

"IGNORE YOU?? YOU WERE NEVER HERE" he shouted in fury

"AND WHO'S FAULT WAS THAT?? YOU COULD HAVE ASKED TO KEEP ME HERE BUT NO!"

"So WHAT, YOUR BLAMING ME??" ... "HOW IN HELL IS IT MY FUCKING FAULT BELLA?? IT'S YOUR LIFE!"

"Your right, it is_ my_ life. I will do what i want with it"

"Fine. Kill yourself! I hope you succeed" he said storming out of the front door. my knees buckled and i fall to the ground, all this time i knew but to hear the words out loud from that person just burnt a hole through me. He wanted me to die. He wished i would. A pair of strong familiar arm cradled me to his chest suddenly.

"I'm sorry" he whispered into my hair, i looked up through my tears trying to see his face clearly. i frowned "I was on my way over and i heard... it was... loud" my tears began again, breaking through at such speed i wondered where they were coming from.

"you heard?" i asked still shaken up.

"Yes" he whispered "I''m so sorry. I can't believe he said those things to you" i shrugged, shaking his arms off of me.

"Don't. I really can't talk about this"

"Ok, sorry. we can talk about something else"

"actually would you mind if i went out for a while.. i need to get some air"

"Of course, i could come?"

"No, it's okay. i need to be alone figure out some things" he nodded

"Be safe" i smiled and turned my back to him taking a deep breath leaving the house, i needed to get away. To be anywhere but here.

**

I walked slowly up the dock, breathing in and out slowly gathering my thoughts. I looked around slowly taking in my surroundings. There was a large cliff sticking far out about a mile away, my thoughts drifted... but I had made a promise. To try to live... I did and look where it left me. FAIL. I looked out at the sea, a few boats passed the ocean was moving smoothly. a beautiful day for boating i turned my head again and saw a sign: BOATS FOR RENT $50. Perfect. I took a step towards the sign but my cell brought my mind out of the fantasy.

_Edward Calling_

- "Hello" i answered

Hi, how are you?

- "okay" i lied

"Good, are you ready to come back yet... i miss you" i smiled, then sighed looking up at the sign again.

- "... Erm... Y-Yeah, okay. I'll be back soon"

"Good, i hate being away from you. i leaves me feeling so empty"

- "sorry, i need some time"

"It's fine, i understand why you left" he answered undoing

"I'll be right thee"

"see you soon"

**

I walked back into the house and saw his beautiful, flawless face. my eye drifted down from his hair to his eyes, down to his nose, lips. chest... and down further. he smiled widely when he saw me enter the house.

"You back" he smiled

"I am" i grinned back, wrapped my small arms around him, pulling his closer. He didn't protest, he pulled me up off the ground as i wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him intently. Exploring each other. I wasn't aware we were moving until my back hit a wall. He pressed me against it and pushed himself closer to me, making me gasp in response. He smiled at my reaction and pulled himself closer into me... if that were possible, while keeping our lips together. I moved my hands down his chest slowly, tugging on the hem of his shirt once i reached the end. i pulled it over his head leaving his lip for a second, catching my breath in the process. Once his shirt was on the ground my hand roamed his bare chest pulled myself to him again. He carried me up the stairs and went into my room while undoing the buttons on my shirt. The only thing running throughout my mind at that point was that i needed him. all of him.

**

The sky had turned dark when i awoke, i turned to see the bed was once again empty. then i heard paper turning. pages. i looked over to the other side of the room to see his perfect body, his back remained bare while he now had boxers on. his back was to me. He was looking at something very carefully and i couldn't see what, it was killing me not knowing what he was so engrossed in.

"What you reading?" i asked timidly

"So.. I was just a number?"

"What?" i asked

"You never loved me or even liked me. I was just a DAMN thing to tick off a list?"

"Edward. I Ju-"

"No. Forget it, joke's on me i guess. Well congrats Bella you can cross off number ten. Glad i could be of use to you" he said, his voice drenched in sarcasm and disgust. He grabbed his clothes and left the room at high speed. I wanted to tell him it wasn't like that, that i did love him but i couldn't because honestly i don't know if i do. I wanted to say it wasn't about the stupid list, it was what I REALLY wanted. But it would have been a lie... I was going to do it before - kill myself - rent a boat, drive out and jump. Drowning sounded appealing at the point but when he called, it reminded me of the one thing i REALLY wanted before i committed to killing myself. I refused to leave this world a virgin. So i came back knowing he would never say no.

But now it was done, i felt disgusted with myself, how could i have done that to him. After everything he told me, everything he had done for me. Maybe i did love him... That's just one more thing i have fucked up. I wouldn't go on this way. I needed to end this now before i hurt anyone else, before i ruined anyone else's lives. I NEEDED TO DIE.

----

Sorry i didn't update last weekend. i apologize! Blame damn schools making me study! Fools! anyway... there you have it, the next chapter. I hope it was okay :)


	8. Jump

D: I do not own the characters.... but i wish i did :P

"BELLA' i heard his voice is sounded so far away, i was slipping away. i didn't know where too but it was away from everything i knew and everything i hated. it would be a better place.

The water surrounded me, taking me deeper and deeper. i was beginning to loss all feeling of reality. but that one voice stuck with me, it didn't leave me. He didn't leave me.

10 minutes before

I walked up the dock slowly, feeling the soft breeze through my hair. It was twilight now, so no-one was at the docks. I went towards the boats that floated closest to the dock and jumped in, the keys were already in the ignition. I looked out towards the ocean. it was wild like a lion pouncing on it's prey. The wave smashed against each other with much force. i turned the key and pulled the boat out of it's place. I moved it out slowly, just far enough so that it was deep and i couldn't reach the ground.

i pulled it to a stop when it was out just far enough, i climbed up onto the back and stood out there, it was starting to rain and the wind was picking up more than before, it blew my brown long curls around my face, my tears mixed with the rain that was drenching me. i could feel it - something different - peace. i felt oddly calm even though i knew this was the end, i was ending it now.

Edward's POV

I watched as her car pulled away from the drive with such speed. out of my window i watched her gain speed and drive out of the road, where was she going? - did it really matter? after everything she had done, put me through, why should i want to know - need to know.

But that was it - the reason i wanted to know - i loved her, no matter how much she had hurt me, i still cared so deeply for her. nothing would change that. never.

If i knew her as well as i think i do then there would be only one reason for her leaving that house tonight - right now. She was doing it, she was going to do the one thing she promised she wouldn't. But then again i broke the one promise i made her - As long as she is breathing i would keep fighting for her. I grabbed my jacket and keys and ran towards my car in desperate need to stop her before it was too late.

I saw her, standing on the edge of the boat, arms out feeling the wind throughout her hair. she looked so calm and at peace. She really wanted this. then she lifted her arms higher and bent her legs.

"BELLA" but she was gone, taken in by the ocean. She never came back up... i panicked and ran out to the end of the dock and dived in, the sea was heavy on me, pulling me every direction but i refused to let it take me, i kept fighting, with all my being i pushed towards where she had gone under, searching

for her. i cried out her name in panic begging for her to answer me.

"BELLA...PLEASE...WHERE A-ARE YOU?" i chocked on sea water flowing into my mouth.

"BELLA"

-----

Not as long as the chapter before but i wanted it to be dramatic. did it work?

Please review!!


	9. Saving

Bella POV

I tried to open my eye's but it burnt, the light that was above me seemed to bright, like it wasn't real. Was this what it felt like, what it looked like. - Death.

"Bella?" asked a raspy concerned voice in panic, i fluttered my eyes open another time trying to see who was asking for my attention.

The voice asking didn't match the face looking down at me, my angel. How was he here too? What happened?

"B-Bella? Can you here me?" asked the raspy, distorted voice

"Y--" i cut off, the pain, the burning ripped through my throat. i nodded my head unsure of why he was asking this, weren't i already dead? if so why was he with me? nothing made sense.

"Your freezing" he stated as he pulled me into his arms which were cold and wet. What had happened?

Edward's POV

I pulled her into my arms trying to warm her, without success. I was just as cold and wet as she was. I lifted her up and carried her towards my car. I pulled my jacket over her shoulders and rubbed them softly, trying to warm her.

I didn't understand why she had done what she had to me, and it wasn't okay. But when i saw her leave the house in such a rush i just knew. I knew she would try this, i just didn't understand why.

Did she think i didn't care about her? That i didn't want her? She wasn't good enough?

So many things could be the reason and yet none were true or good enough, she would always hold my heart. The fact was even though she makes mistakes it will never erase how i feel for her, she just needed to believe it.

"Bella?" i asked still rubbing her arms slowly trying to produce some warmth for her.

Bella POV

"Did you-" i cut off, swallowing painfully "Save me?" he looked down to the ground.

"Y-Yes" he said unsure of himself

"Why?" he looked up then, into my eye's. anger had built up in him as he stared down at me.

"Why?" he repeated in disbelief "You got to be kidding me?" he shock his head clearing it "Why wouldn't i save your life Bella?"

"Because my life is worthless and i just end up hurting the people i really care about. Love."

"Everyone makes mistakes" he tried to comfort me

"That's not what you told me before. You completely hated me. you didn't even allow me to explain"

"i was in shock" he reasoned

"But you believed i would do that to you. that's reason enough for me to think you hate me and want nothing to do with me"

"..." he said nothing, no words at all the silence just filled the empty parking lot, emptiness filled within me.

"I ruin everything, i ruin _everyone_. You were right to leave, you should stay away from me, i'm no good."

"Stop talking" his lips crashed my own. he pushed pushed my back against the car door and wrapped his fingers through my hair. there was no holding back. "There's no denying how much i love you Bella" he whispered against my lips. my head span still disorientated from the whole almost drowning thing. My legs gave in, he pulled me up holding me there, close. his breath was covering my neck and it sent shivers done my spine. "I'll always love you Bella, nothing you say will change that. Don't ever try something like this again... please. I need you, you can't leave me here on this world without you here too"

"I'm sorry"

-----

Tiny Chapter there, Very sorry. And i'm so sorry for my late update but i had exams to finish but it OVERR... Woohoo!! School is DONE! Finished FOREVRRRR

:)


	10. Mother

Thing's were finally looking up. Edward and I have officially been dating for about a month now. His family liked me, for which i was surprised even though he had promised they would. Charlie and I were still not getting on but nothing new there. I didn't let it bother me, nothing could bring me down. I was the happiest i have been in a long time, maybe even in forever.

It was early, the morning sun shone through my window and onto my bed i was completely at ease. I heard a car pull onto the drive and thought it was Charlie coming back after forgetting something for work. There was a knock at the door, I frowned he never left his keys. I stood from the bed already dressed waiting for Edward to come as we were planning to get out for the day and walked down the staircase. When i opened the door i saw the face i thought i wouldn't see again; my mother's.

"Mom?"

"Isabella" she responded "Pack up your things"

"excuse me?" she rolled her eyes.

"Collect your things. You coming back to live with Phil and I"

"But you told me to leave, why would you want me back?"

"Thing are going amazingly well with us so we want you to come back" she stated

"No"

"No?"

"I'm not leaving" i told her

"And why the hell not?! ... What could you possible have keeping you here"

"I'm not leaving" i told her again

"I'm sorry i don't believe i gave you a choice. You coming with me NOW" she told me

"No.. I'm not going back.. i like it here. I don't want to live with you again" i said softly

"I never said you were coming back.. to live with us" i frowned

"what?"

"Well.. You are coming back with me but.." she smiled "I'm sending you to that camp we discussed.. You clearly have issues that you need to work through..we've all seem your.. little book"

"You are NOT sending me there" i yelled

"Pack. Your. Things"

"No"

"Fine, then i'll do it myself" she said as she rushed up the stairs towards my room, i could here my draws being opened and closed and not long after she came down the stairs dragging my large case with her. "Come On" she told me

"MOM..I said i'm not leaving and in no way am i going to THAT CAMP"

"Don't argue with me Bella!! YOUR GOING.. I have had enough of you"

"i'm not even staying with you. So how am i even affecting you"

"..Just..Shut Up.. Your GOING"

I was aware of the stares we were receiving from neighbors by yelling so loudly while standing outside but i was to concerned by the panic of her getting what she wanted; sending be away to Texas. and my biggest fear; being away from Edward - i don't think my heart could take it.

"STOP ARGUING WITH ME ISABELLA" i stared at her in pure hate.

"Why are you doing this to me?" i asked

"Because i want you out of my life... i never wanted you in the first place you ruined my life. It''s because of you my first marriage was ruined and i'll be damned if you do that again"

"Your blaming ME?" i shouted in disbelief "How are your issues my problem!? and like you said you and Phil and doing great.. SO WHY does your marriage only work when i'm not around! i don't even speak to you when I AM AROUND!"

"Stop being so immature. Your going. Deal with it" there were tears begging to come forward but i would show her no weakness in myself no matter how much she hurt me. i had nothing left to say not that words were making any difference anyway. My _mother _pulled the case up the the car, I ran up and pulled it away from her grasp - falling in the process with the case lading on me.

"I'm not leaving" i told her once more "You can't force me to leave!"

"I am your mother" she spoke slowly with much hate "you will do whatever i tell you too. " then added quietly "Ugh.. Once i get rid of you the better.. selfish child.. i should of gotten rid of her when i had the chance" the tears i had been pushing away were slowly coming fourth. i stood up from the ground and ran as fast as i could to the docks... only this time it would be different.. i would succeed


	11. Should I?

The sound of yelling voices from outside lifted me from the bed where i lay listening to my playing music to the window overlooking the front of the house. i scanned outside looking for the reason for the loud voices, she caught my eye first.. Bella. Trying to pull a suitcase from a women's grasp.. trying without success.

"STOP ARGUING WITH ME ISABELLA" The women yelled hate flowing throughout every word she spoke to her. I wanted to help Bella, the expression she had made my heart ache to hold her close and tell her nothing would ever cause her pain again, that everything would be okay but i knew this was something she wouldn't want me to intervene in. I knew by now when she needed to be alone and handle things be herself even if i killed me to watch her do it.

Bella stepped back from the women and spoke quieter, i couldn't here what she said but what ever it was she didn't take it well because not long after more yelling began. She tried pulling the case again only to fall and have it land on her.

"I'm not leaving" she told her "You can't force me to leave!"

So that was what was happening, she was making Bella leave. I couldn't help but feel a little better hearing Bella say she wouldn't be forced to leave.. was it me that made her want to stay? i hoped so. I was 100% truly in love with her, it pained me to imagine her leaving.. i wouldn't be able to cope and truthfully i didn't know if Bella would either.. would she make another attempt once gone? would it be successful? my heart stopped at the thought of it. Would she have someone to save her?

"I am your mother" she spoke slowly with so much hate it was unbearable "you will do whatever i tell you too. Without. Complaint"

so that was who this women was.. Bella's mother? how could her mom hate her so much.. there was no way to hate her.. she was beautiful, smart, talented.. the love of my life. she spoke again but again it was too quiet to hear from up here. i could see Emmett and Jasper at the opening of the garage looking over at them curiously not knowing if it would be wise to interfere. Not soon after her mother spoke the unheard words Bella jumped up from the ground and ran out of the drive down towards the... docks.

i stood standing by the window stunned. she promised - was all that went around my mind, she had told me she wouldn't try anything anymore.. she told me that was it. it was over. And yet she goes running off to make another attempt to end her life over this.. was i not worth fight for? did she mean nothing she said? she lied and i believed it all.. i felt like such a fool.. i guess it's true what they love it blind.. because i didn't see through any of it.

Was it worth trying to convince her not to do it? she had clearly made her choice and it was the one that involved not having me so was there any point in going and stopping her? Probably not and yet my body was being pulled towards the door. i hesitated again... why should i bother? She doesn't care. a knock on my door disturbed my inner voice from the hundreds of questions.

"Edward?... You should go.." i opened the door and looked into her brown eye's seeing nothing but her certainty.

"Alice.. i don't know.."

"She needs you.. i may not know the whole story but i know you love her and she loves you in return... she is obviously confused and.. scared? worried of the fact she could be forced to leave.. made to leave you.. You have to go Edward. Stop her from making a huge mistake" as if it would be that simple.. just a little pep talk? She doesn't know Bella very well.. i could only hope she would have a chance too.. i ran passed her and raced out the door to reach her.. to try yet again to stop her from ending her life.. to stop her from taking herself out of my own.


End file.
